


I don't wanna need you this way

by bitterheart



Series: a kaleidoscope of memories [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:15:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22632523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterheart/pseuds/bitterheart
Summary: It starts with Sylvain. Everything always has. Felix has been in love with Sylvain since he was thirteen years old and it doesn't matter than they haven't seen each other once in the nine years since then. It doesn't even matter that Felix had no intention of ever seeing Sylvain again because that doesn't change the fact that hehas.Felix's side, after the concert.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: a kaleidoscope of memories [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627099
Comments: 1
Kudos: 69





	I don't wanna need you this way

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for [FE3H Song Week](https://twitter.com/hashtag/FE3HSongWeek) Day 2: Come Back… Be Here by Taylor Swift. Title taken from the lyrics of the same song.

_and this is when the feeling sinks in_  
_I don't wanna miss you like this_

This is meant to be his happy place.

The crowded stadium, the screaming audience, the lights, the music, the sweat of so many bodies packed into the same space. Despite all of it, Felix loves these concerts with an intensity he can't even put into words. He always walks out of them in the best mood, like everything in his mind has clicked back into place. 

Tonight, he's a mess and it's his own damn fault. He can't even remember half the concert and Annette is giving him worried looks as they walk to her car. She clearly knows something is off but that was probably obvious from the moment he grabbed her halfway through the concert and moved through the crowd until they were in the opposite side of their section. She isn't asking him to explain himself though, because she knows him and knows there's no point in asking until he's ready to talk. 

He wants to. He's desperately trying to pull his thoughts together so he can find a way to explain exactly what's going on.

It starts with Sylvain. Everything always has. Felix has been in love with Sylvain since he was thirteen years old and it doesn't matter than they haven't seen each other once in the nine years since then. It doesn't even matter that Felix had no intention of ever seeing Sylvain again because that doesn't change the fact that he _has_. He knows how the years have changed Sylvain now. He's gotten taller and if Felix thought Sylvain was attractive back then, he's devastatingly handsome now. He's nothing like his brother; Felix remembers Miklan by the cold look in his eyes, but Sylvain is warm. 

Felix exhales slowly, watching his apartment come into view as Annette slows down and pulls over. He wants to invite her upstairs so she can drink tea while he sorts his thoughts out into words but his head is still too much of a mess for that. He nods in thanks to her instead, opening the car door.

"Get home safe," Annette tells him, even though he's only a few steps away from the door to his building. What she actually means is, _text me when you feel like talking and I'll be here_.

Felix attempts a smile. "Thanks Annette. You too." 

He sighs heavily as he lets himself into his apartment. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, turning it on for the first time since he got to the concert. He startles when it buzzes in his hand, telling him that he's missed two phone calls and has a voice mail waiting for him.

It's Sylvain, he realises, his palms starting to sweat. He saves the number into his contacts and then sets his phone down on the coffee table as he moves through his apartment, cleaning the mess he'd left for himself while getting ready for the concert. There are dishes to do, clothes to put away, so many things that he could be doing instead of listening to Sylvain's voice mail. 

He procrastinates for half an hour, until it's late and he's tired. His phone doesn't buzz with any new calls or messages, and Felix isn't sure whether he's relieved or disappointed. He picks it up off the coffee table and lets in play on speaker as he makes his way to bed.

"Hey," Sylvain says to him in his message. "It's me. Uh, Sylvain. This is my number, uh, obviously. Give me a call?"

Felix checks the time: it's well past midnight and definitely too late to call now. The timestamp on the voice mail tells Felix that Sylvain was looking for him after the concert. He'd taken Annette and hidden for a good reason. He knows without a doubt that if he let Sylvain find him, they'd still be together right now. Perhaps they'd continue what they started. 

With a soft groan, Felix puts his phone down on his bedside table and shifts under his sheets. He's managed not to dwell on it all this time but now he can't stop thinking of the way Sylvain touched him, the warmth of his hands, the size of them as he slipped them under Felix's shirt. 

He wants Sylvain's hands on him again, sliding across the bare skin of his back, holding his hips down, curling around his cock. Felix swears under his breath, shoving a hand down past the waistband of his pyjamas and taking himself in hand. Sylvain's hand would be bigger and gentler, slowly and carefully bringing Felix to the edge and letting him teeter there because he's always been a tease. 

Felix kicks his sheets off, his ears burning with embarrassment as he reaches for his bedside table again, grabbing for his bottle of lube. He curls his fingers into a tight fist, thrusting into it as he rubs a slick finger against his entrance. He whines, soft and needy, as he slides a finger into himself. Maybe Sylvain would make fun of Felix for being so vocal and then try to draw even more noises out of him. Felix bites his lip, already swollen from kissing Sylvain earlier, and fucks himself on two fingers. He curls them, feeling for his prostate, his eyes rolling back and his entire body trembling once he finds it. 

He wants Sylvain pressing him down into the mattress until he can't move, until he can't do anything but just let Sylvain fuck him however he wants. He wants Sylvain spread out underneath him, begging until he's allowed to come. He wants everything in between. _He wants Sylvain_. He can't bear it, his breath coming out as harsh pants as he thrusts his fingers into himself harder until there are stars dancing across his vision and bites his lip hard enough to draw blood just so he doesn't end up moaning Sylvain's name. 

"Fuck," he groans into his quiet room. He remembers what his name sounds like in Sylvain's voice, just after they kissed. It was soft and gentle, and Felix wants to hear it again.

He can't.

At the age of eighteen, Felix promised himself that he would never see Sylvain again. He's managed it for all this time. It was a mistake, giving Sylvain his number, but that's an easy fix. Sylvain has never persisted in chasing something when it's proved itself too difficult. If there's one thing Felix knows how to be, it's difficult. He just won't reply to any messages, or answer any calls. 

Sylvain will give up on him. Just like he should. 

Felix grabs for some tissues to wipe himself clean, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach. This is just what he has to do. For both of them.

By the time he finally drifts off to sleep, he feels even worse than he did at the end of the concert.


End file.
